25 Jan Hello Beautiful- Gina Anderson

HELLO BEAUTIFUL…..

I said these words to myself every day for 5 weeks walking into the ETMC Cancer Center for radiation treatments.  Yes, you read that right….my voice, in my head.  Oh, I know you must be thinking…arrogant much?  But let me back up just a bit and tell you where those words came from and how they are now fighting words to my spirit.

When I received my breast cancer diagnosis, I had walked through some stuff which honestly had been much more difficult.  Hard seasons.  Raw grief.  Spiritual desperation.  Emotional fatigue.  Family difficulties. Ministry exhaustion.  And EVERY single time God was faithful, and I knew He was with me.  Still going though those hard seasons left me feeling like I had lost huge pieces of myself. My purpose.  My strength.  My calling.  My confidence.   Surely what was left of me was not enough to be useful for God or anyone else.  So I just worked harder.  Tried harder.  Pushed myself to do more.  Be better.  All the while feeling like somehow what was left of me would never be enough.  I believe this is an area all women struggle with at some point in their lives.  Mine slipped up on me, but over time the words “You are not enough” became the words in my head most days.  The words that motivated my actions.  The words that caused me to put up walls because I was fearful others felt that way about me too.

The day I learned I had breast cancer, I was numb.  Felt nothing.  After processing and learning what decisions were in front of me, I will never forget one day Doug and I were praying.  We were praying specifically about which treatment options I should follow.  After we prayed, Doug told me this was going to be mine and God’s decision, and he would support whatever I decided.  Then he added, ”Gina, no matter what, you are and will always be beautiful to me.”  He had said it before many times, but this day it felt like God spoke those words deep into my very being.  It was a “Hello Beautiful” moment!    As I went through surgery and recovery, I would look in the mirror and say, “Hello Beautiful.” Somedays through tears.  Somedays through doubt.  Somedays when all I could focus on were the scars on my body.  “Hello Beautiful” slowly began to drown out the “You are not enough” voice in my head.  I began to feel like a warrior who was fearfully and wonderfully made.  I began to be able to rest and know God’s purposes cannot be overcome.  There was nothing I needed to prove or do.  I just rested in Him.  My voice in my head got louder and louder declaring His truth.

“Hello Beautiful” has become a declaration in my spirit:

I belong to Him.
I am miraculously made in His image.

I am in the Center of His will.

My scars and difficulties bring Him glory.
And I am enough because Jesus calls me by name.  And in my mind that name is “Beautiful”.

As I pray for the women of Refresh, , I see a beautiful army of warriors who are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Women who are able to rest and know God’s purposes cannot be overcome.  Women who realize they are working for His Kingdom and there is nothing to prove. I believe we are in the Center of His will.  And I know each one of you are MORE than enough because Jesus has called you by name, and as you listen with your whole heart, I pray you will hear Him say, “Hello Beautiful!”

Author: Gina Anderson